It had been a night that stirred my soul. Stirred it up good with questions, doubts, and fears.
A group of us had been out on the streets training, praying, and becoming more aware of where girls bound up in sexual exploitation frequented. I knew the girls were there as I see them often. Often! But this night there wasn’t a soul out. There was no girl to stop and pray for.
By the end of the night I let the team know this was messing with me.
Doubts were jumping crazy in my head,
“who are you to begin a ministry like this, you don’t know what you’re doing, there are no girls, you’ve made this all up, you’re crazy!”
I wanted the thoughts to stop, but they seemed to scream all the more louder as I crawled into bed that night. I knew girls were out there that needed love, prayers, and someone to give them encouragement, but my mind was telling me different as I drifted off to sleep.
When God speaks in the wee hours.
My sleepy eyes fluttered open as my soul took a deep breath. “Read Joshua”, I heard. It wasn’t audible, but yet it was so loud in my spirit that it come through loud and clear. As a matter of fact, I kept hearing it over and over.
As I rolled over and looked at the clock all I wanted to do was climb back under the covers. Heaven’s sake, it was way too early!
But my mind was awake now and I knew there was something to this “read Joshua” calling. I tossed and turned a little longer as I began to think of the night before. Doubts were still pounding in my mind even at such an early hour.
I sat up and there were those words again, “Read Joshua,” resonating a little louder this time.
Yea, yea, yea, I know, I know, God.
Making my way to the coffee pot (and so thankful that my hubby had it all ready to push start for me), my brain woke up enough to begin thinking. The thoughts were groggy but were making perfect sense even before my first sip of coffee.
“Ok I’ll read Joshua. But I know where you’re going with this God. I get it. Yea, yea, yea Joshua had to circle the walls of Jericho six times before anything happened. I know, I know, you just want me to keep going and not quit short of seeing the miracle on round 7.”
I thanked God for the reminder. I knew I had to persevere. I love how God just whispered a scripture to me and I already knew what he wanted me to understand, I’m so good that way. (that was total sarcasm in case you missed it)
He said read.
As I grabbed my coffee, God impressed on my heart that he said read, not understand or remember Joshua. Digging in my Bible I quickly turned to Joshua as the lamp overhead glared down on the words. I knew that God really wanted to pound this whole persevere and keep marching onward even when you can’t see if anything is happening lesson in my soul. Wasn’t that what Joshua was known for —
Joshua 1 – Oh how I was thankful God nudged me harder and harder to get my Bible and read. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (vs. 9) My fears were beginning to become smaller remembering that God was with me.
Joshua 2 – I turn the page and the title squeezes my heart “Rahab and the Spies.” Tears begin to fall. I was so focused on that fact that I knew what God was going to tell me, that I almost missed what He needed to show me.
The prostitute. The girl who my heart was falling in love with on the streets. There she was. That morning in the book of Joshua, God taught me many precious new things about her, the journey, and my calling. What if I would have missed those God moments?
Do you do that too?
There are so many times I read a scripture or hear a message and my mind thinks, “Yea, yea, yea, I know, I know.” That is horrible. How can God do a new work or impart a new message in to, us if we are so stuck on what we already know?
Having grown up loving Jesus my whole life and knowing the Word, I think it is easy for me to fall in that trap. I’m learning. I’m reminding myself that when God draws me into a message He wants to leave me with a fresh word for that day.
How about you? Are you living off the fresh or stale Bread of Life?
Yea, yea, yea, I know, I know.