Each year while many are preparing for a party with songs of Auld Lang Syne, I’m feverishly getting those goals and dreams inked out for the new year.
As the days counting down to 2013 began to fly by, I longed for my quiet special place to think and ponder on what the next year would bring. But there was to much busyness stirring and daily needs to be met to secure that time and relish in the fresh beginnings.
I cried out to God to refresh my soul and impart those precious nudgings and assignments in my heart. I asked what my goals should be, how I should dream again, and then turned to my Bible. I needed a fresh word. I needed new goals. New dreams. I needed a plan.
I’ve never felt aimless, dreamless, nor lost in my calling and I needed a certain word. I met with friends and we talked about goals. I confessed I hadn’t written any down, but that I would. I explained how this was unusual for me and didn’t seem right, but that I would get it done. Then a few days later another friend asked,
What is your dream?
I stared blankly. No words would come. No visions were dancing in my head.
I had to honestly tell her that at this moment, this day, I was struggling with a dream. Of course, she was a great friend and assured me it was there. I was just too engaged in other things to see it. That it would become clear again soon. But yet my mind hung on to those words —
I don’t have a dream.
That night, I had a come-apart. How could I not have a dream? I’m a dreamer by nature. Where did that enthusiasm or chasing of the God-dream go? Where did that vision from God go?
While the tears flowed and the questions pounded on my heart (I think this might have been a pity-party,) I typed out an email to mentors:
So it didn’t really bother me that my 2013 goals weren’t set in writing yet, but today a friend asked “What’s your God dream for 2013?” I’m sad I don’t have an answer.
I didn’t have an answer. I didn’t have a dream. Was it time to quit? Or just stop until I had direction? Was this just a ploy from satan? Was this God trying to get my attention? My mind was having a huge crazy party and all the chatter was making me dizzy!
One of the mentors finally responded,
You are doing what you are supposed to be doing in the moment. Living ALL at each day is enough. You are exactly where you are supposed to be.
Was I living the dream and missing it?
Hmmmm, interesting thoughts! My mind began to hush as I thought about her wise words. Was this my dream? Is this where God had called me? Longing for confirmation, I turned to His word.
My daily Bible reading that day came from Isaiah 51 and all the Lord spoke to me was . . .
Ponder over Abraham and Sarah! (more on what I’m learning from Abraham and Sarah tomorrow)
Until then, what is your God-sized dream? Are you pursuing it or living it?
If you’d like more about chasing dreams, visit Holley Gerth for her new series.