what to do when nobody else gets it.

by | 11 Comments

It’s a frustrating place to be. Maybe you’ve been there?

Guate 004

You’ve seen and witnessed something that has changed your life forever. It’s a beautiful chaos messing with your heart and soul. You try to voice the conflicting thoughts stirring, but yet no one gets it.

Coming back from Guatemala I wasn’t prepared for the “nobody else gets it” scenario. I don’t know why, because I sure didn’t get it until I was there walking among the poverty, garbage, and stench.

I try to be a voice.

I want to share, to tell, to help others see but I’m realizing there are no words to convey the images that are imprinted upon my heart forever. I see vividly in my mind the faces and places I left behind when our plane flew out as God shown through the skies.

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The busy Guatemalan colors so bright and vivid.

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The faces so dark and sullen touched by a strangers gift of a lollipop.

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The eyes that danced and looked so deeply for hope, love, and a warm touch.

micky

It’s those images that I long to find just the right words for. Words that will stir others. Words to help others understand. Words that will empower me and others to serve and love more.

It’s a frustrating place.

You want to help and open others eyes to the need, but your words do not convey with accuracy what it is like to meet children face-to-face who live and play among the garbage dump of their community.

You try to retell the stories including the teaching moments, but the emotions are still so raw that tears flow freely. Others see the water flow and try to understand, but can’t.

Maybe you’ve been there too. 

Not necessarily in a foreign country that rocked your small-little-world, but maybe you went through a gut-wrenching divorce and nobody around seemed to get your situation let alone the emotion.

Maybe your child is handicapped or your parents need full time care and no one gets the daily physical struggle nor the emotional battle that rages within you.

Maybe your battling the frustrating process of infertility and you don’t have a friend around that understands the boiling emotions raging within your soul.

Maybe you’re in an abusive situation and you try to walk-away but can’t. Other’s do not comprehend what is racing through your soul in that moment.

What do you do?

You keep talking about the cause, fighting the battle, and visiting with friends. Maybe it’s not about anyone getting what you are going through at any given moment. Instead, just maybe, it’s a conversation that they will tuck away for the future.

A future when they have just experienced a walk through a Guatemalan garbage dump, a divorce, the struggle of a handicapped child, being abused or infertility and need a friend who gets their feelings and muttered words. Oh how then we can talk! We’ll totally relate, laugh and cry together.

It’s not until you’ve been there that you truly can appreciate the emotion and wrecked heart that goes with the beautiful chaos a soul experiences.

So whatever you are trying to process, keep talking it through whether others get you or not.

You never know, I just might need to hear what you have experienced to help me through my future.

What experience have you gone through that is hard for others to understand?

 

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About the Author

Alene Snodgrass

I love to tell the story whether it is from behind a camera lens, writing at a computer screen, or speaking into the lives of others. With a heart for the broken and down-and-out, I am the Director of Volunteers at Bay Area Fellowship Westside, a church on the inner city of Corpus Christi. I speak regularly around the country at conferences, retreats, and women’s groups sharing Christ truth as my heart sees it, through my real life experiences. Follow me on twitter @alenesnodgrass or facebook.

  • http://twitter.com/Csterken Christa Sterken

    I love your words girl, every single one. Definitely what pops to mind is when we pulled my daughter out of school and chose to homeschool. Coming from a family of educators. That was so hard! Also, moving several times because we felt God’s prompting caused major familial criticism

    • http://www.positivelyalene.com/ Positively Alene

      Oh my – I can totally relate to homeschooling. I pulled my oldest out and homeschooled her. Many questions from teachers since I left my other two in school and my friends also thought I had gone bonkers. It was totally the right thing to do at the time. I’d love to hear about your moves. I bet that was an adventure that many didn’t understand.

  • http://susanstilwell.com/ Susan Rinehart Stilwell

    Guatemala did the same thing to me, Alene. I get a lot of compassionate smiles, but very few people get it.

    Interesting to read about your choices with homeschooling. When my kids were middle schoolers, I pulled them off the bus and drove them back and forth every day. I took some heat for it, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Our conversations on those rides are some of our best middle school memories. (And you know those are few and far between ;) )

    • http://www.positivelyalene.com/ Positively Alene

      Totally in agreement. Homeschooling was not a long-term answer for us, so I ended up transferring my children to a year-round school (LOVED IT) that was 30 minutes away. I wouldn’t trade those minutes for anything. During middle school and high school activities take over, but conversation took place while we were cooped up on that drive. It’s funny when they started driving, any correction they needed their car would be the first thing to do. They figured I’d get tired of that since I’d have to drive them everywhere again — oh to the contrar….I loved it. LOL

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kristin-Lee-Bridgman/1217946428 Kristin Lee Bridgman

    YEARS ago when I started homeschooling, many did not understand. After 14 years, they began to come around:)
    Having a prodigal son from our Christian family…
    Working and befriending the Homeless…
    And I do what you said…I keep talking about it because in that big crowd of ones who don’t understand, there are those who find us who do and God uses the talking and sharing to heal one in the crowd, or to move one out of their comfort zone and become blessed by doing His will. . .
    That makes is all worth while!

    • http://www.positivelyalene.com/ Positively Alene

      My heart beats with yours. Keep talking girl – you are making a difference whether others understand or not, but you are so right — all that matters is that the ONE understands!

  • Dawn Muench

    Alene! I love this. This theme is coming up more and nk more every day for me and I’m CONVINCED you are right- the struggles we go through and the things we are changed by, are redeemed by having the chance to walk with others through similar situations. Sort of like the “pay it forward” concept but w spiritual significance! I also keep coming back to trying to remember- in all we do, our goal is to grow closer and more in touch w His heart. That’s it. If He uses anyone or anything else to do that, or we touch or help others in the process of that, well- that’s just a gift He gives to us (instead of the other way around!). You keep doing what you are doing- it matters!! I love your heart!

  • http://www.anotherjennifer.com Jennifer Barbour

    It’s frustrating, isn’t it? Just keep writing and talking about it. Because if you don’t, people might not even realize these problems exist….even if they don’t understand.

  • Mothering From Scratch

    {Melinda} Sounds like your experience really was beyond words, Alene. My “noone gets it” issue is that I have a chronic illness that is invisible (it is an inflammatory condition). I look fine from the outside, but I am usually in some level of discomfort or pain. I’ve had this for 16 years. My family is tired of hearing about it, although they care and I try not to complain often. I have one friend who also has chronic illness. She is the only one I talk to regularly who really seems to “get it.” And that really does help. It motivates me to try to be the ONE who “gets it” for someone else. Haven’t been to your blog for a while, Alene, and I don’t know why. It’s so wonderful. Going to make sure I’m following you on my Reader!

  • Pingback: Wrecked and A Beautiful Mess |

  • http://denisejhughes.com/ Denise J. Hughes

    “Maybe it’s not about anyone getting what you are going through at any
    given moment. Instead, just maybe, it’s a conversation that they will
    tuck away for the future.”

    Oh, Alene, you speak such truth here. I felt this way growing up in a home where my brother was paralyzed after an accident and our whole way of life had to change. Ramps needed to be built to our doors. Cabinets needed to be removed from underneath the sinks. There were certain places, even churches, we could no longer visit because the doorways weren’t wide enough for a wheelchair. And those were just the minor physical changes. The emotional and spiritual toll it took was devastating. As a child watching so much grief in my home as my parents struggled with their son’s new disability, I always felt like “nobody gets it.”

    And when I returned from Vietnam, after holding children in my arms who had no parents and wishing I could take every one of them home with me, I had no words for what I felt inside.

    And it can leave us feeling so alone. Alone with our own grief. Grief over the extent of our helplessness.

    I know you are changed from your time in Guatemala. I mentioned once in a “tweet” that I wish I could have been there with you. And it’s true. My heart aches to be overseas. But I also know that I can serve the widow with MS who lives next door, and the new family who just moved in down the street.

    We can serve right where we are. And we can be open to serving “elsewhere” as the doors open there too.

    I believe God has tremendous plans for you in His kingdom, Alene. Your heart spills with compassion. And that is a heart Jesus wants to spread all over the world.

    Thank you for sharing your heart here, on the pages of this blog. Your words have a far greater impact than any of us might ever truly know.

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