As I walked to the front of the class to teach, really all I wanted to do was crawl under a table and be invisible. Who was I to teach this lesson? How can you teach effectively when you really haven’t learned the lesson yourself?
My heart was beating fast and I was remembering a phone call I had had with a dear friend on my was to teach. Sharing my inadequacies and not knowing where to go, she gently nudged me forward. Drying my eyes, I began to recite “I can do all things through Him who has called me” over and over. My spirits lifted and I was ready for class — I had prepared and done my part, now I would just have to watch God show up.
Standing there before the class I felt so vulnerable. I couldn’t act like I had this lesson and truth down, because they would be able to see right through me. As I stared at their eyes, I felt their eyes staring back as if they were looking at the nakedness of my soul and the truth of what was in my heart. I could feel the tears beginning to form and my throat tightening up. All I knew to do was pray, to open with the prayer of my heart and let God come in and cover my nakedness so His truth could be seen.
I’m not sure if you’ve been in a situation like this recently, where you are out of your comfort zone feeling naked, vulnerable, and so alone — it is a scary place. A place where you begin to see the darkness under tables and want to run for cover. A place where you’d rather just cry and beg forgiveness for not having conquered what you are teaching, than have to teach the truth of God’s word. However, I learned this is also a place where although my soul wants to run from God He comes in, covers me with His clothing of grace, and says “job well done.”
When you want to run and hide from what God is calling you to do, remember God didn’t ask you to be perfect – He just asks you to perform what He has called you to do.
Striving for perfection will always leave you feeling naked and vulnerable. Come out from under the table today, and live life in His grace.
When was the last time you felt so vulnerable you wanted to crawl under a table and rock back and forth in the darkness?