For years I’ve asked God for a little glance into the difference I might be making. For years, He has been silent regarding this question. So, I continually wondered “Am I even making a difference?”
Of course, I should know it is not about seeing the difference you are making – it is instead about being obedient to whatever God asks you to do. I get that – seriously I do. But yet, why do I still need the confirmation that what I say and do makes a difference? Can anyone else relate?
For two weeks this month, this website has been down. And I’ve sat staring at a blank screen and wondering . . . what is this all about? Being so frustrated, it would have been easy to walk away from the calling. I was close — after all, who needs added pressures in their life?
Maybe it was my lack of faith.
Yes, me of little faith who needs to see those mysterious ways God works. However, having faith in any area means you will not see. That’s faith. You are hoping, but you are not seeing. You are following God’s direction, but you feel like you are wandering. The book of Hebrews puts it pretty clearly!
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and
certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1
I couldn’t see what was ahead.
I struggled to be obedient in writing. Actually it was beyond struggling, I was bickering and groaning. It’s a wonder God didn’t snatch me bald-headed and take me out to the woodshed. But instead, get this . . . He actually gave me a glimpse into how my writing was making a difference. I had to conclude that following God’s call was worth fighting through the frustrations.
Last week I received confirming emails from gals who had read articles I had written or attended my Bible study. They actually shared how those Words had impacted them. I cried like a baby. Once again I was begging for forgiveness for complaining about the gifts God had given me to glorify Him and serve others. I cried because I was so touched by each email and the journey these gals were on. I thanked God for the sweetness of each word as I felt God sweetly whispering, “Alene, get over yourself and get on with MY business. I’ve given you the glimpse you’ve asked to see. Now, move on, share, and love my people!”
Get over yourself and move on.
Are you feeling stuck where you are? Are you bickering with God about the difference your call is making? Oh friend, learn from me. When you live by faith, you will not see. You will have to trust God with all – even when it means starting over.
God is so amazing! He is definitely doing a work in me at the moment. I am growing my mustard seed of faith, following HIM blindly even when I have to start all over.
Will you follow blindly too?