You were empty and vain to prey on my vulnerability the way that you did. You really had me. You made me believe that giving myself away wasn’t a big deal.
While growing up nobody had ever taken the time to talk to me about purity. Nobody ever told me that the Creator of the universe made me and gave me a special gift to share with my husband one day. But you liked having that foothold.
You enjoyed knowing that I wanted to feel loved.
After giving my body away at the age of 18, I continued to put myself in situations where sex was just physical. Every time I allowed myself to lay with someone new, I didn’t realize how much of an impact it would have in years to come. After all, ‘everyone was doing it’. For the past six years, I have been trying to get you out of my mind.
Even though I’ve been married for 10+ years, I still think about you. I’m still impacted by you. I allowed you to rob my body the gift of purity. Just like the majority of our society does, I believed your lies. I hadn’t realized how much of an impact you had on my life until I learned about God’s love for me.
I was four years deep into my marriage when I accepted Christ as my Savior so up until that point, I wasn’t even aware that it mattered. But ever since, I keep playing your lies through my head. I’m embarrassed by my lack of confidence in my ‘old life’. I’m angry that I would put myself in those situations.
I’m ashamed that I have memories that will never go away.
I am sad that I was not able to give my husband 100% of me on our wedding day. It’s not fair. But I realize that I can’t change what has already happened. I can’t take back what you’ve already taken.
But there is hope. Your shame does not own me.
My regrets do not determine who I am.
My Savior has redeemed me and His light that shined upon my face six years ago will never fade away. I am a new creation. I have been renewed and there is hope for those who think they are hopeless. I am not the same girl that you started to control 18 years ago. The only One that controls me is the Holy Spirit living in me. And I am committed to sharing the value of purity with everyone that I can.
You do not own me and you will never own me again. I belong to Christ.
Someone living a life of TRUE love
Dear Anonymous: Your words stir my heart. The truth from someone who has been there and done that rings loud. I’m thankful you found your cleansing and true purity in Christ! May your words of wisdom stop other girls, young and old alike, in their tracks from flirting with the lies of the world.
Dear Reader: If you have encouraging words for Anonymous, please leave them below. This series began as 31 days of Anonymity, but as letter continue to come in I want to give you a voice. Read all the letter in the series here. If you have an anonymous letter you’d like to write you can send it to alenesnodgrass [at] gmail [dot] com.