31 Days of Anonymity is a 31 day series and I hope you’ll join in. The specifics about this series, how you can get involved, and all letters can be found by clicking here. I hope these letters written by anonymous souls give your silent hurt a voice.
I’m sorry. I am sorry that I don’t respect you the way that you deserve. I am sorry that I don’t love you as much as I should.
I pray for the Lord to change me, to give me that heart for you. And things will be better for a while, but then you go and do the stupid, irritating and selfish things that just drive me up the wall.
But really? I know the problem is me…
that I haven’t let go of the dreams that I never put into words. Those dreams about what kind of life I would have, what everything would look like. Because the reality, though it is beautiful and wonderful, is very different from that dream.
I never pictured myself living paycheck to paycheck, and not having enough left over some weeks for groceries or gas in the car. And it makes me so angry that you are so materialistic in nature that you can’t remember how it feels to be broke before the next payday when the paycheck first comes in.
Your motto “it never hurts to ask,” DOES HURT.
It hurts me inside every time I have to say NO, we can’t afford that stupid video game right now. NO, we don’t need to buy our six year old son the latest and most amazing football equipment. He is SIX.
But at the same time, I never dreamed that I would have such a perfect little family. Two boys who are content in their home, in their world. I never dreamed that I would watch God turn you from a mess up of a man with more baggage than we could afford to take on a commercial flight with us into a pastor whose words encourage, build up, and change me. I never dreamed that I would be the biggest hindrance to God using you . . . but I have been. And for that I am truly sorry.
I have to let the dream go. You will never be the type of man that works an 8 -5, business suit, kind of job. We will probably always live paycheck to paycheck. So in the meantime, I’ve been counting my blessings. I am almost to 1,000 — and despite it all, even though I don’t number you every single week, because that would kind of be cheating, and I like to be original, you are my biggest blessing here on Earth.
Please be patient with me, and don’t give up on me.
I do need you.
And I do love you.
And I almost always like you.
And in those times that I don’t, I pray that the Father will give me the grace and the wisdom to see the flaw in myself, instead of pointing the finger at you.
You bless me.
Thank you for reminding us that sometimes our biggest struggles in relationships are also our biggest blessings! I know that’s hard to remember on those days when you are struggling. But keep your eyes on God, He’ll give you strength to hang on. And I always like to say, “stay committed to the commitment,” because there will be those days that are hard and it will be too cloudy to see the love. But that commitment you made to each other and God — that lasts forever despite the ups and downs. “Love is not self seeking, it’s not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong.” (1 Corinthians 13:5 )
Is marriage an area you struggle? Or maybe you’ve struggled before and have awesome encouragement to offer? Please comment below. FEEL FREE TO COMMENT AS ANONYMOUS.