31 days of anonymity {day 24 – dear grief}

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Dear Grief,

Yes, You, Grief!

You have taken my life, stolen my joy and painted me a picture of black!

You have sucked every ounce of breath from my being, taken every hobby and made it a chore. The ability I used to have to manage my life is gone.

You are a thief!

My camera sits unused, my blog unwritten upon, my motivation for life, gone. Hopes, dreams and plans have been wiped away, the slate is blank, the future bleak. Thoughts of ending it all consume my every waking hour – you suck.

I have not picked up my Bible in months; have not attended church since Easter.

My faith is failing me, my hope lost. 

Why is it that you have found it so necessary to take up residence within me? You’ve overstayed your welcome, completely left me exhausted emotionally as well as physically. Yet you continue to poke, prod and pick at my thoughts, my heart, and my life.

Is there nothing I can do to remove you from my presence? In my wildest nightmares, I never could have imagined life without my beloved Mark. It’s unfathomable how to navigate these uncharted waters.

Death would be a better ending to this ungodly pain. 

It seems you have led me through a dark and winding tunnel only to find at the end, a wall of cement. No way to dig through it, yet too battle-warn to turn around and go back. Going back, oh how I wish that were an option.

But it is not to be, forward, forward, forward, the cries from somewhere deep within my spirit, begging, pleading, and prodding me to keep moving forward.

Grief, you have tried to end my life, to stop every form of life from finding its way out of me. But somehow, today, there seems to be the tiniest glimmer of light far off in the distance. Maybe the cement wall has a crack; maybe the picture of black has the smallest rip in its canvas.

“Why are you cast down, O my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me?

Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, my Help and my God.” Psalm 42:5

Grief: You have no power over a child of the King,

for My HOPE is in HIM!!

 

 

 

Dear Anonymous,

My heart grieves with you today. My daddy passed away a year ago today and your words race through my soul. Praying God wraps His arms around you as you move forward. So thankful for the glimmer of light pressing through as you hang on to God’s truths.

Dear Reader,

Can your heart relate to the joy that grief has stolen? If so, glean from Anonymous — grief has no power over a child of the King.

 

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← 31 days of anonymity {day 23 – dear church member}
31 days of anonymity {day 25 – dear teacher} →
About the Author

Alene Snodgrass

I love to tell the story whether it is from behind a camera lens, writing at a computer screen, or speaking into the lives of others. With a heart for the broken and down-and-out, I am the Director of Volunteers at Bay Area Fellowship Westside, a church on the inner city of Corpus Christi. I speak regularly around the country at conferences, retreats, and women’s groups sharing Christ truth as my heart sees it, through my real life experiences. Follow me on twitter @alenesnodgrass or facebook.

  • http://hamershappenings.blogspot.com Lisa

    God will never give up on you, so don’t give up on Him. Take the first step, pick up your Bible, go to Church, go for a walk. You are stronger than grief. Now let’s kick it in the butt.

    • Just Me

      Thank you Lisa! Your words bless my heart!! Today is my Birthday and I am Ready to Kick some Butt!!! :)

  • karen

    I truly believe God is about the perfect timing, in this very letter today. Sister, your hurt is something so many can relate to, including those you might not even know.
    You see, the Lord is using a relationship this morning that I have with another dear friend who lost her grandaughter ( a 16 year old teenager ) to suicide just a few days ago. As I was able to go see her, and try to minister hope to her, she asked the questions of ” why” , ” What good could possibly come of this suicide”.. After sharing the story of Jesus, and His deep pain , and tears when He was under the tree weeping, I shared that no one, or nothing could be more healing than knowing our Abba Father, Jesus is with us, even in our darkest journey, which you are on right now. No one is more gentle, and caring than Jesus who is drawing close to those with a broken heart. I shared, that there is no one more caring than our Savior, and Healer, who knows each of us better than anyone ever will – even when we have pushed him away, or fallen away from our faith ( which she has ). He can answer our hardest, and most painful questions that we don’t even know we will even ask, but because He knows we have them, and when we do, His perfect answers are ready for us in the way we need them to be answered.
    So all that to say, He loves you so much in your grief, and He loves you even more in your journey to be real with that same grief. His love, His Perfect Love is so unfathomable because it is so HUGE, and it is for you, this season of your life. My prayers are with you, dear Anonymous Sister. He is with you , and I pray you will sense His presence today, more than yesterday.

    • Just Me

      Thank you my dear sister! Today is also my birthday and I have felt His presence in every moment! I love reading your words and will be praying for your friend! I Know you will be a blessing to her in the days, weeks and months ahead! Thank you and May God Bless You!!!

  • karen

    Happy birthday, sister..My birthday is tomorrow, the 25th.. The Lord is good to remind me though of my NEW birth, which I celebrate now rather than my date of birth which is not a happy occassion for me.

  • http://www.pruningprincesses.com Laura @ Pruning Princesses

    Hi Alene, I am catching up on some of my favorite bloggers this morning. I will be honest. I can barely read this series, the pain is too great, the stories too raw even with the lessons learned at the end. But I believe so strongly in the healing that God can give through the act of publishing these letters. I am so grateful you gave these individuals a safe place to share. Praying for these precious followers of Jesus. Thank you.

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