I’m linking up with Chatting at the Sky and The Nester for a 31 Day series. The challenge is to write everyday in October. Last year was my first year as I wrote about 31 Days of Living with Purpose. View the series here. This year I will be writing 31 Days of Anonymity and I hope you’ll join in. The specifics about this series and how you can get involved can be found by clicking here. As we go through the series, each letter will be linked below. I hope these letters by anonymous souls will give a voice to your silent hurt.
How could you do what you did to me? You were supposed to be a safe person. I trusted you. I looked up to you. Admired you. And you used that trust to violate me sexually. Yes, I willingly participated. Yes, I enjoyed being chosen. But I was just a girl. Only 15 years old. You were married. And old enough to be my dad.
In fact, you were like a dad to me. When I think about what happened I get angry. Then I get sad. Then frustrated. Why did you do it? Are you still doing it to other girls? I worry that because I didn’t say anything you might still be doing it. How many other girls have you done this to?
As my teacher and coach, you held a position of power over me.
You were in a one-up position and I was one-down. And you abused that power. You manipulated the situation so that I would lie to my parents and spend every weekend with you and your wife. You got some sick payoff from using me sexually while your wife was in the other room. That’s sick.
Because of what you did, I confused sex with love. I’m not blaming you for my adult choices, but you do play a part. A big part. After I graduated high school and moved away, I engaged in riskier and riskier behavior. I became a stripper. Then a prostitute. Are you proud of me?
Well, despite what happened. . .
God has shown me that he’s washed me clean. No traces of your dirtiness in me. My own sin stained me so crimson but he’s washed me white as snow.
And he can do the same for you…
I don’t understand and probably never will.
I forgive you because forgiveness is a gift I give myself. But I’ll never forget.
I love your heart that it can forgive in this situation. Forgiveness is a journey in and of itself, especially when we are hurt by those who should know better. It hurts when others take advantage of their positions, let alone those they have authority over. I’m reminded “For if you forgive people their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” (Matt. 6:14) Oh how I long to be forgiven! Thanks for the reminder that I need to forgive too.
Do you struggle with forgiving those who have hurt you? Have you been hurt by someone in authority over you? PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT ANONYMOUSLY.