What if I were to write from the floor of my closet? It’s fairly clean. Somewhat organized as I’ve carried clothes to my trunk to give to others. However, I still see mounds of shoes, and probably what many would consider excessive amounts of shirts and britches.
Are you wondering why I need to write from here? I figure if this wardrobe of mine has a hold on me then maybe I should come sit among it and reflect why.
This experimental mutiny against excess, Summer of 7, is no fun. I thought summers were for laughing, friends, and vacations! Can I get a yep, yep, yep, and an amen? I can’t think of a summer where I’ve been this serious. I can honestly say, I’m continually wondering why I said yes to revealing the dark places of my heart through this experiment.
Sitting here in my closet floor, I can plainly see my bickering spirits attitude I’ve had this whole week. I am now on Day 6 of my mutiny on clothes. (know what I’m thinking — hallelujah tomorrow this 7 days is over!) This week has not been pretty — inside or out, but mainly on the inside.
I’ve rescheduled appointments as not to see anyone.
I’ve come to this place, my closet, and mourned for the clothes I could not wear.
I’ve felt ugly and inadequate because of my dress.
I’ve realized my heart is clothed with a wardrobe of pride.
I’ve scheduled a full day at the beach tomorrow because I can’t stand these baggy stretched-out, dirty jeans and t-shirts any longer. I need to breathe fresh air. I long for a new outfit with the fresh rain scent of laundry detergent. I long to feel styled and sassy.
I walked in to a meeting yesterday, it was not mine to reschedule or I would have, and inside I felt dirty. Would others notice how unkept I felt? Would they see the stains on my jeans? Would they sniff and wonder what my new smell was? I walked in with my head a little lower and quickly sat down not wanting anyone to see. I didn’t initiate conversations as I surely didn’t want to explain this whole mutiny happening in my heart.
I soon sensed a friend by my side and a whisper,”Alene, you look so pretty today.”
I squeaked out “thank you” as I felt my throat tighten. Was I going to cry? The truth was I didnt’ feel pretty. I was stumped, because the only thing that had changed was my wardrobe. How could my outward appearance make me feel so ugly? I quickly wanted to explain, these clothes are dirty, stained and a little stinky. I’m having a bad hair day, not to mention a bad attitude. But I didn’t. I simply nodded and kept my crazy thinkin’ to my self.
Coming to God this morning knowing He had a sweet morsel of truth waiting for me, I was left with my heart exposed as He spoke from Colossians 3:12-14,
So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. . .regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.”
Oh. Mercy. Could I have been so focused on my wardrobe or lack thereof this week that I missed opportunities to love? Seeing these words written makes my eyes leak. What if I hid away and walked with my head held low and missed sweet moments to show love to others?
What if pride got in the way of love?
What if no one cared what I was wearing or how I smelt and just needed a hug?
What if I could get my self-seeking eyes off myself and see others?
What if a wardrobe full of pride meant missed opportunities to reach others?
Regardless of what I have or have not to wear,
what if I get my rear-end up and out of this closet and clothe myself with love?
Check out these other Summer of 7 blogs dealing with excessiveness.